As a leader, it’s not unlikely you believe you treat all team members with equal attention, respect, and consideration. But what I have witnessed in my thirty years of coaching leaders is often quite different – and research supports it.
The Blind Spot of Favoritism
Many leaders have their favorite employees and are unaware of how differently they treat them. This favoritism is sometimes driven by the favored employee’s ability to “manage up” effectively. They invest time and energy into understanding and meeting their supervisor’s needs, which often earns them trust and increased visibility.
But here is the issue: while the leader feels supported, the rest of the team sees the unequal treatment, and it erodes trust. What is perceived as loyalty by the chosen employee is often viewed as favoritism and bias by others.
The Hidden Cost to Team Dynamics
Research reported in Harvard Business Review highlights that employees who feel less favored by their boss frequently express resentment and exhibit behaviors such as mistrust, avoidance, and disengagement. These reactions are not minor – they impact morale, job satisfaction, and performance.
The research outlines three critical truths:
- Strained relationships are more common than you think.
- Even the perception of favoritism can cause considerable damage.
- The longer these dynamics are left unaddressed, the more harm they create.
When Bias Overrides Experience
I have also seen many executives form strong bonds with certain team members – often because those individuals are dependable, competent, and enjoyable to work with. The comfort and trust built over time becomes a powerful bias.
So powerful, in fact, that when faced with feedback or data suggesting the “trusted” leader may be falling short, the executive often shuts it down. They resist hearing anything that conflicts with their own experience, becoming defensive or dismissive.
The closer the relationship, the more the executive struggles to remain objective. This blind spot can quietly undermine team cohesion and credibility.
The Trusted Leader Who Was Not Trusted by the Team
Let me give you a recent example. I was coaching a senior leader – let’s call her Jane – who had a deep trust in one of her department heads, whom we will call Tom. Tom was sharp, charismatic, and always delivered polished updates in leadership meetings. Jane viewed him as a top performer.
But during the 360-degree review I conducted, which is based on an employee self-assessment and peer reviews, as well as superior and subordinate feedback, a quite different picture emerged. Multiple team members reported that Tom played favorites, dismissed input from others, and created a toxic environment where only a few voices were heard.
When I presented this feedback to Jane, her first response was disbelief. “That’s not the Tom I know,” she said. “He’s always been respectful and a strong team player.”
It took several sessions – and real effort – for Jane to acknowledge that her firsthand positive experience did not cancel out the experiences of others. Eventually, she had an honest conversation with Tom, and he was open to change. Together, they worked to rebuild trust within the team.
But here’s the truth: the damage had already cost the company talented people and slowed down team performance for months.
Recognize the Shifts Before They Become Cracks
That is why it is essential for leaders to first recognize when favoritism or imbalances exist – and then take proactive steps to address them. Ignoring these dynamics can lead to the loss of top talent, greater challenges with underperformers, a decline in overall team morale and productivity, and damage to the leader’s own credibility.
More research reported in the same HBR article reveals that the quality of manager-employee relationships is not static – it can shift significantly from week to week. This makes it even more important for leaders to routinely reflect on how they are showing up for each team member and to catch any signs of tension before they take root.
Steps to Rebuild Trust and Strengthen Team Dynamics
Recognizing the issue is only the first step – rebuilding trust and rebalancing relationships requires intentional effort. Here’s how leaders can begin to reverse the effects of favoritism and foster a healthier team dynamic:
- Seek Honest, Anonymous Feedback – Create safe channels for your team to share how they experience your leadership. Tools like regular 360 reviews facilitated by an executive coach or anonymous surveys can surface blind spots in how attention and support are distributed. Do not just gather the data – act on it.
- Audit Your Time and Attention – Take a week to track how often and how deeply you engage with each direct report. Are you consistently giving more time, mentoring, or visibility to certain individuals? Awareness is key to shifting habits.
- Normalize Open Dialogue – Let your team know you are working on leading more equitably and invite input. When employees hear their leader name the issue and express a genuine desire to improve, it builds safety and signals a growth mindset.
- Create Structured Check-Ins – Rather than letting interactions be driven by unconscious favoritism or whoever “manages up” best, implement regular, structured one-on-ones with all team members. Use these meetings to understand individual goals, roadblocks, and how you can support each person.
- Practice Merit-Based Recognition – Be intentional about acknowledging contributions from across the team. Public praise, stretch opportunities, and project leadership roles should be distributed based on merit and potential – not proximity or comfort.
- Stay Curious, Especially When Challenged – When someone offers feedback that contradicts your view of a trusted team member, resist the urge to defend or dismiss. Instead, get curious. Ask questions, gather more perspectives, and sit with the discomfort. That is where growth begins.
- Build Leadership Capability – Invest in developing your managers and team leaders by offering training that focuses on fair decision-making, inclusive communication, and creating a strong team culture. JMA’s team coaching services can help equip leaders with the right tools to help prevent bias and lack of self-awareness from becoming systemic.
- Set the Standard Through Your Actions – Consistently demonstrate fairness, empathy, and transparency in how you treat others. When leaders model balanced, respectful behavior – especially under pressure – it sends a powerful message about what is expected across the organization.
Awareness is the First Step, but Action Builds Trust
Favoritism in the workplace is often unintentional – but that does not make its effects any less real. As a leader, your influence carries weight. The way you distribute your attention, feedback, and trust sends a powerful signal to your team, whether you realize it or not.
The good news? Change is possible. When leaders commit to self-awareness, open dialogue, and consistent action, they can repair broken dynamics, restore trust, and create a culture where everyone feels seen, valued, and heard.
It starts with a willingness to look inward – and the courage to lead differently. Because the best leaders do not just strive to be fair. They actively prove it, day by day, in how they show up for every member of their team.