When we think of urges we experience, the need to eat when we’re hungry or the desire to have a drink when we are stressed may come to mind. Urges are strong desires or cravings to act impulsively. They are typically triggered by an event, thought, feeling or memory and pull us toward a way of responding that almost feels automatic.
Ride The Wave
Urges can feel like ocean waves as they rise in intensity and pull us toward behaviors that may provide temporary relief—but once the wave peaks and crashes, we often feel worse. Giving into an urge is a short-term solution to a long-range problem.
But if you can ride the wave rather than trying to fight it, you can better avoid those negative consequences. “Urge surfing” is a technique attributed to psychologist G. Alan Marlatt, Ph.D., a pioneer in the field of addiction treatment. He associated urges with impulses to engage in an old habit, such as drinking alcohol or using drugs, and coined “urge surfing” as a practice to help someone experience urges without giving in to them.
Urges can be intense, but they usually only last 20 to 30 minutes. Urge surfing is empowering because it is a form of mindfulness. When we are mindful of our urges and impulses, we have more control over our behaviors.
How To Urge Surf
Most variations of this technique include the following steps:
1. Notice the feeling of an urge in your body. Close your eyes and try to pinpoint which specific body part is being affected—your stomach, your clenched jaw, your tightened forehead, etc.
2. Focus your attention on that part of your body. Is there pain, pressure or tightness? Does it feel warm or tingly?
3. Breathe through it. Inhale slowly through your nose and exhale slowly through your mouth.
4. Turn your attention back to the part of your body where you noticed the urge. Focus on sending your breath to that part of your body.
5. Stay curious and present. Visualize a wave rising and falling, and use your breath as a surfboard to ride the waves. Anticipate each wave coming, and breathe in as it peaks and exhale as it crashes. After a few minutes of this mindfulness, you will have successfully ridden the wave.
Tea Party Replacement
I once worked with a coaching client who was an attorney in downtown Chicago. When it came time to do billing (which she absolutely hated), she would go outside to take a smoke break. Because of the time it took her to catch the elevator, go outside and smoke a cigarette, she would lose 20 minutes of productivity in her day. By the time she took a few breaks a day, she was losing an hour a day of productivity, which was stressing her out.
This was, of course, a double whammy because she was losing productivity but she was also doing something incredibly harmful to her body by smoking. We worked together to create a different ritual—a tea break. Instead of going outside for a cigarette, she would make a cup of tea right in her office. Watching the electric teapot boil was a minute of mindful meditation for her and allowed her to realize that she was avoiding what she didn’t like to do—billing.
Her way of being present in the moment became this ritual of making a cup of tea. It was soothing, and it was something she looked forward to, so she could eventually face the task she dreaded so much. This approach was highly effective and eventually contributed to my client giving up smoking cigarettes.
Urges In The Workplace
It can be easy to see how this practice of urge surfing might be helpful to avoid addictive habits such as smoking, overeating or drinking excessively, but how do urges appear in the workplace?
They show up in whatever behavior you are trying to avoid.
Whether it’s a crucial conversation with an employee or a very complex project that requires deep work, if you avoid it and immediately go and do another task, you are submitting to your urge. Anything else is a more pleasurable activity, whether it’s making a quick phone call so you can check it off your to-do list or heading online to make a purchase. By procrastinating on difficult tasks, you aren’t surfing your urge, you are diving right off your surfboard!
The urge to do something more pleasurable overtakes the pain. I’ve seen leaders put tasks off for weeks, even months. So how do you ride the urge and get yourself to do what you don’t want to do?
First, you have to be mindful that you are avoiding it. This is very hard for some people because it is so subconscious. But you have to build the self-awareness to recognize that you are actually deceiving yourself. You think you are doing a good thing by putting off the difficult task in order to complete 10 other easy jobs, but you really need to gain the self-awareness to admit you are avoiding the issue.
One of the best things you can do is to review your tasks, meetings, etc. for one day the day prior. Whatever the thing is that you don’t like to do the most should be tackled first. Being conscious and aware that you don’t want to do it will actually help you get through it. Breathe through any anxiety and try to reframe your thoughts in a way that removes the urge to avoid them. By riding that wave, those feelings will eventually subside. Think of the positive benefits of getting these tasks off your plate by getting them done as soon as possible each day!
Remember that urges are temporary. By practicing riding the waves like a pro surfer, you can be aware of your reactions, which will therefore allow you to be in control of your actions.
If you need a coach to help teach you how to urge surf, consider our executive coaching services.
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This article was originally published on Forbes.com as a Forbes Coaches Council post.