Amy was thrilled when her boss, James, assigned her to lead a high-profile project. It was the opportunity she had been waiting for – her chance to showcase her leadership and strategic thinking.

James framed the project as hers to own, giving her full responsibility to build a plan, engage stakeholders and drive execution. Motivated by the trust he seemed to place in her, Amy got to work.

But as soon as she started making progress, things got… confusing.

James attended her meetings, often taking charge of the discussions. He subtly overrode her decisions, adjusted her strategy and even sent emails to stakeholders with next steps – steps Amy had not been informed about. When she approached him, he reassured her she was doing great and that he just wanted to make sure the project was done right.

By the time the project wrapped up, it was James who presented the results to senior leadership. Amy’s contributions were acknowledged in passing, but she could not shake the feeling that she was never truly given the opportunity to lead.

Unfortunately, this experience is all too common – leaders delegate responsibilities but not authority, creating confusion and frustration for their teams.

Command And Control Leadership: The Illusion Of Delegation

You might think the old-school, hierarchical leadership style of micromanagement would be a thing of the past. After all, research shows that employees perform best when they are encouraged and empowered. Yet as an executive coach, I often see leaders who were once high-performing individual contributors struggle to let go when they reach management positions.

They say they want to delegate, but in reality, they:

• Want everything run by them for approval.

• Constantly tweak others’ work instead of providing clear direction.

• Struggle to trust that anyone can meet their standards.

This is frustrating for employees. On the one hand, they are told they have ownership, but on the other, their boss is still making all the key decisions.

And that simply does not work on a fundamental neurological level. That’s because the human brain is wired for independence and has been since adolescence. Top performers crave impact and meaningfulness. The top talent who are creative, think outside the box and can run an entire department will be dissatisfied with a controlling leader. Instead, this leader will only attract doers and executors who will carry out their wishes in the way they want.

The Performance-Based Identity Trap

Many controlling leaders do not micromanage because they enjoy it – they do it because their self-worth is tied to their achievements. They have what is called a “performance-based identity.”

These leaders often:

• Link their performance to their sense of identity.

• Have perfectionist tendencies.

• Fear that if they do not intervene, things will fall apart.

All these factors certainly impact their leadership style, but they also affect their health and well-being, including stress levels. These beliefs also limit their own potential because they spend too much time on things that do not actually matter. They are incapable of letting go and championing others because the opinions of others are what fuel them.

They are not driven by purpose or meaning but rather external reinforcement and approval and the severe need to avoid rejection. Everyone has a fear of people’s opinions to some degree, but this type of performance-driven leader has it in spades.

Anxiety Behind The Need For Control

This behavior is often driven by anxiety. Leaders feel uncomfortable relinquishing control, so they instinctively step back in. Even if a direct report’s mistake would not harm the organization, the leader’s discomfort prevents them from allowing room for growth.

Acknowledging this pattern is the first step. True leadership is not about proving your competence—it is about developing others so they can thrive without constant oversight.

Breaking Free: The Path To True Leadership

If you recognize these tendencies in your own leadership, the solution is not just to tell yourself to “delegate more.” You need to address the deeper mindset driving your behavior. Here is how:

• Build self-awareness. Ask yourself: Am I stepping in because I do not trust my team or because I feel uneasy letting go? Recognizing the emotional trigger is key.

• Practice mindfulness in the moment. Before jumping in with advice or making changes, pause. Breathe. Ask yourself if intervening is absolutely necessary.

• Reframe your role. Instead of being the “fixer,” see yourself as a coach. Your job is not to perfect everything, it is to empower others to improve.

• Collaborate with a coach or psychotherapist. Breaking deeply ingrained habits is not easy and can often not be done alone. An executive coach or psychotherapist can help you develop strategies to shift your leadership style.

• Trust the process. Leadership is not about controlling every detail. It is about guiding, inspiring and enabling others to succeed, even if they do not do things exactly the way you would. Remember that there are many ways to get to the same outcome, and it does not always have to be your way.

True leadership is not about being the smartest person in the room; it is about creating an environment where others can thrive. If you find yourself struggling to let go, take a step back. The strongest leaders are those who empower others, not those who do everything themselves.

Learn more about Executive Coaching

This article was originally published on Forbes.com as a Forbes Coaches Council post.