Have you ever said or done something in the heat of the moment, only to wish you could take it back? That is the power of being “triggered.” When a situation stirs up strong emotions, it can lead to reactions that do not reflect your best self – but it doesn’t have to be that way. You can learn to stay in control.

Understanding Triggers

Triggers are reactions to a situation or a person that has an immediate impact on your mindset or behavior. Often, you can be caught off guard by triggers in relationships or communication which results in showing up in a way that does not reflect your best self. 

People often think that their daily stressors are triggers, and they are not. Daily stressors can have an impact on your feelings, emotions and moods, but they don’t usually elicit the strong reaction that triggers do. Both triggers and daily stressors require an awareness of the cause of your reaction. It is your ability to quickly regain that presence of mind that will help you to respond and not react to the situation. 

The Amygdala Hijack

A trigger is a stimulus that we call an “amygdala hijack,” when that part of your brain goes into overdrive. The amygdala is the part of your brain that is responsible for emotional responses, especially fear, anxiety, or rage. It helps identify threats and trigger reactions like the “fight or flight” response. 

Those threats could be verbal or non-verbal. Think about a threat that is spoken by someone in a position of authority. If your boss says something you consider a threat, it carries greater weight in your mind. Triggers can also be words spoken by people we care about, like someone in our family. Once we have that unpleasant experience, it becomes embedded in our brain. Then, anytime you encounter another situation that resembles or even hints at that previous experience, your amygdala will take over, leading to that amygdala hijack. You will see it as a threat, and you will become triggered. 

Pay attention to your body. When you feel triggered, you might notice a physical reaction – your breathing may become shallow, your chest might feel tight, or you could feel a headache coming on. Whatever the sensation, take note of your body’s signals. By staying attuned to these cues, you can manage the trigger before it takes hold. 

Preventing a Hijack

You cannot control the fact that you are being triggered by an event, but what you can control is the way you respond to these situations. It is important to note that everyone gets triggered, but the key is to understand your triggers. When you understand them, you can catch yourself when you feel one coming on and you move forward with that self-awareness in the moment. That self-awareness allows you to respond in a more thoughtful and purposeful way.

Here are some common triggers:

  • Someone is rude.
  • Someone criticizes you.
  • Someone talks over you or interrupts you.
  • Someone does not recognize your contribution or experience.
  • When you see someone who you have had an unpleasant experience with before
  • When you say something wrong 
  • When you are embarrassed. 

Maybe you recognize a few of these typical triggers, and there are many more. It is important to reflect on your triggers. I encourage my coaching clients to use these triggers as a starting point and make a list of their own triggers. If there is a specific trigger that you want to deal with and eventually overcome, you need to have a plan of attack when it happens again. 

Here is an exercise I use with my clients:

Describe the situation that triggered you as clearly as possible using the questions: who, what, when, where, why, how. Take a minute and put yourself back in that situation and answer these questions. 

  • When did you realize you were being triggered? 
  • What was the specific event that caused you to change your behavior? 
  • How did that feel both physically and emotionally?
  • What was your reaction? 
  • What did you learn from the experience? 

Tackling the Trigger

Once you understand what the trigger is that you want to work with, there are two approaches:

Be prepared. Think about how you would manage the situation if you were given a do-over. Go back to that situation in your mind and reflect on what could you have done differently. Could you have taken a break and had a sip of water or taken a deep breath before you responded? If so, what would your reaction look like?

Make an adjustment in the moment. In a perfect world, we could all see our triggers coming from a mile away and prepare accordingly. But that does not happen in the real world. You cannot always see triggers coming. When you are caught off guard and in a full amygdala hijack mode, the best way to move through it is to gain awareness that this is happening and find a way to calm your brain so you can be responsive and not be reactive. 

An amazingly simple solution but that one that is highly effective is to buy yourself some time, even just a few seconds. Again, take a few deep breaths, have a sip of water, pause to reset your brain. You do not have to have a snappy comeback or a brilliant answer. You simply must not react. Once you take those few seconds and are calm, you need to practice this technique of not reacting. Over time, you will get more comfortable in your responses. You can learn not to react and then you can begin to make changes such as shifting quickly to assessing your prefrontal cortex. That is the part of your brain which controls executive functions, such as planning, problem-solving and decision-making. By utilizing this part of your brain, you will be able to deliver a more thoughtful or purposeful response. 

Related: Build Resilience

Reflection and Gaining Control

The more practiced you get at pausing your reaction, the stronger your ability to make this in the moment adjustment. 

There are four pieces to consider during your reflection to gain control: 

  1. Mindset: How can I be prepared to respond and not react?
  2. Self-talk: Why is this important to me? Why do I need to remind myself to stay focused and calm?
  3. Behavior: What are the non-verbal and verbal cues I want to communicate? 
  4. Impact: How do I want others to feel? 

Here is an example of how I used this exercise with a group of new leaders in a high-powered consulting firm. This group of leaders were being thrown into new situations with high stakes, so they were experiencing a lot of triggers. Some were even questioning whether they were good enough to do their new jobs. They were receiving feedback from their managers that was swift, direct, and rough – something many of them had no experience with. Every one of the new leaders was experiencing various levels of anxiety. 

We taught them skills to manage themselves in the moment and not just panic, burst into tears, leave the room, or become defensive. We gave them tools to use to buy themselves some time and then react in the moment. We helped them recognize their triggers so that when they faced the same client or found themselves in a similar meeting, they could respond with confidence and control instead of being overwhelmed.

If you are interested in learning more about triggers, I highly recommend these two books as additional resources: 

Collaborating with an executive coach can also help you identify and troubleshoot your triggers. It is so important to master the art of managing our triggers effectively, so that we are able to lead with clarity and purpose.

Learn more about executive coaching