Every leader has been in a situation that has turned negative or gives you the feeling of being stuck. Instead of reacting and saying something you may regret or displaying behavior uncharacteristic to your leadership style, you can use the three R’s to navigate your way out of a conversation that has gone off track. Those three R’s are: reframe, refocus, and redirect and they are tools leaders should turn to whenever a real-time adjustment is needed.

All three of those terms are closely related but it depends on the conversation as to which one you will turn to. The goal is to reorient the conversation from something that would trigger your amygdala, the part of the brain that is extremely impulsive and not always rational to an experience that your prefrontal cortex can deal with. That part of the brain allows us to manage our emotions in a balanced and reasonable way. When our interactions are positive, we can develop stronger bonds with others, whether that is in our personal or professional relationships. 

Reframe

Reframing is a new way to look at a situation. Let us say you are stuck between two equally valid but mutually exclusive ideologies, and you want to decide. You may need to consider a third option, and that’s where reframing comes in. 

Think of the situation as if you are walking a mile in someone’s shoes. When you do that, you realize the ground has a different texture. But it is a subtle shift. Your experience changes the way that you perceive the ground. 

In the business world, we can use reframing when we begin to consider times when things do not go as expected as experiments rather than failures. This can change everything about your attitude and your approach! 

If you recently gave a speech and you made a mistake, you may immediately think that you are a hopeless public speaker. But when you reframe that thought to one that recognizes the more speeches you give, the more you will learn about being a better public speaker. There is the mindset shift! 

Here are some questions you can ask yourself when you are reframing:

  • Is there another perspective that we have not considered? 
  • If we were outside looking in, what might we observe? 
  • If we have a mile-high view of everything, how might that change things? 
  • How can we learn from our past attempts?
  • What can we learn from this conversation or person? 

For example, a group complains about turnover on the team with experienced people leaving and newcomers arriving. The instinctive reaction might be “This is bad because it means more work for me.” 

The reframed reaction might be “This is good because the new people are bringing fresh energy, innovative ideas, and optimism. Maybe the optimism will be contagious.”

Related: Magnify your Leadership with Multiple Perspectives

Refocus

Refocusing can be as simple as noticing when a conversation is going down a non-productive rabbit hole. You make a point of acknowledging it and suggest that your team take that aspect of the conversation offline to explore further. Although the derailment does not always have to be negative, it is important to recognize that it might bring productivity and focus to a screeching halt. By suggesting the sidebar be discussed later, you can bring everyone’s attention back to the issue at hand. 

By refocusing the conversation, you are putting a pin in the derailment so you can circle back to it later or even better, move forward without circling back. Instead of saying to yourself, it is the end of the day, and I do not feel like I got anything done, refocus to a new idea. To stay on top of things tomorrow, I am going to prioritize my tasks and focus on completing them one at a time instead of multitasking. 

Here are some things to say or ask when you are in a refocusing frame of mind:

  • I had not considered that. Would you be open to discussing this after the meeting? I would love to hear your thoughts. 
  • That is a great topic for you two to take offline. Can you schedule a time to connect later? 
  • What an enjoyable conversation for another time! This could change so much; however, our client has a need that we need to solve first. Can we discuss this later? 

Consider this comment: “I am annoyed about how much time you spend on small projects that do not go anywhere. You keep reworking them over and over and over.” (The person may be stuck in a worried state and fear not getting it right.)

Here is what you can say while refocusing: “You seem to care a lot about these projects. They must be especially important to you. I would love for you to apply your care about your work to several new projects rather than just a few small ones. This will allow you to expand your frame of reference. My guess is you can bring your expertise to some challenging initiatives.” (You are elevating the person’s self-confidence and encouraging him/her to take more risks.)

Redirect

Redirecting is the most powerful tool in any leader’s toolkit, and it works in our personal lives as well, whether you are a parent trying to shift your child’s attention or help your teen step away from a non-productive disagreement and find common ground. Redirecting is taking a break in the conversation so you can start fresh when you return. 

Redirecting is also about changing your inner conversation. If you constantly think that you need to work harder, you may redirect that thought to a more productive one that offers solutions. For example, instead of using my down time at work to scroll through my phone, I will create a list of ten minute tasks I can work on whenever I have extra time. 

Here are some things to say or ask when you are redirecting:

  • Wow, look at the time! We need to take a break. Let’s take five minutes and come back to this. 
  • Work in a comment about the weather. It may feel cliché, but nothing unites people like an impending storm! 
  • Find a success to celebrate. 
  • Make a surprise announcement like lunch is on me. 
  • Recognize someone who has done a stellar job.

If you have a disruptive team member, you may be inclined to say: “Tom, there have been a couple of times recently where you’ve interrupted your team members in meetings, and people are not participating because they feel you don’t want to hear what they have to say.”

Here is a redirected view: “I am concerned that your tendency to interrupt people in meetings may affect your reputation in the team. I would prefer you wait until people have stopped talking before you make your point. What are your thoughts on this?”

When leaders find themselves in difficult or unproductive conversations, they can use the three R’s—reframe, refocus, and redirect—to steer the dialogue back on track. Reframing involves viewing the situation from a new perspective, turning perceived failures into learning opportunities. Refocusing helps to bring attention back to the main topic by acknowledging and postponing side discussions. Redirecting involves taking a break to reset the conversation or changing the internal dialogue to find productive solutions. These strategies help manage emotions and foster positive interactions, strengthening both personal and professional relationships.

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